So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
