why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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