you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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