He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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