I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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