4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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