Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't make out with my wife yet
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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