I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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