Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
