On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she peed on how many people?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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