the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
