I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
