when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
