you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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