Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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