I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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