if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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