hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
