After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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