ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
