Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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