They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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