maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They took my balls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
