I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
