Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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