I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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