if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
