Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
