babies were throwing up all over the place
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
