I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
