I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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