Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
