he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
