i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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