Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
