I will die if light touches me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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