you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need water and some morals
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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