i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize