Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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