if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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