He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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