dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
