I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
