My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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