that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
