I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize