she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
