So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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