I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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