apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
