I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
