He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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