I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
