It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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