Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He passed out mid-signature
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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