The maid of honor just puked.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize