Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
