Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
