They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
