That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
