How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
