guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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