Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Couch. On fire.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
