He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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