She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize