I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
