You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
