You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
