You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
