went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
