is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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