The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
