if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
