She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize