I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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