Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
