I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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