I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
