i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
