You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
