y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
