she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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