I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
