when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
