i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize