If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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