I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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