Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize