there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was like eating out sand paper
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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