Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
