I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
