How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
