So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize