i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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