I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
