i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
