Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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