never play flip cup with pint glasses
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
