Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize