You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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