he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
