but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
