I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
