She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
